Flying Babies?!

Blue skies, bluer days

I saw the sky today and it was as if I was reunited with an old friend of mine. Nobody bothers to look up anymore. Straight, down, left or right, but never up. They looked menacing, the clouds, but it didn't get scare me. The wind on a day like this never falters and only lifts my soul. Screams turn into beats, tire screeches translate to songs in my head and I cover my ears because I fear rhythm.

Let me Pee on you.

SO, apparently according to go-girl.com, this device lets you pee like a man. I am not so sure how I feel about this, but I'm pretty sure it's just because i'm so stoked about it that I can't fully develop my own thoughts properly. Whaddyathink?

Fascination

Amazed is the word that tumbles
off my tongue so roughly
Falling into a distance unknown
to the naked eye
Perhaps it is the way she wears
that hair of hers that makes you
want to be her.

Thin and eloquent,
gentile and servile you can't
not help but think that he would
love you more if you had a
smile like that.

The heavy stone that weighed
down your loose tongue
has now withered into slow
rotting dust in heavy wind storms

Your independence is there
but hardly dwelled upon.
Fall to your knees in helplessness
in hope of feeling good again
the insecurities you once
felt are now thriving one more
time.

my worth

So, I got robbed a couple of days ago and I guess my paranoia has calmed down enough for me to write this blog.

Don't ask me the story. Please. I've repeated it too many times to count and repeating the story means reliving it. If you want to know, ask someone close to me. I'm sure they'll fill you in.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm not here to wallow about how distraught I feel or flaunt the fact that I can cross "be caught in a robbery" off my list of things to do. I'm here to state my feelings/realizations that had come from that robbery and what I had learned from it.

This may be too cliche for you, and if it is, then don't read any further.

I guess my whole "self-realization" came when I had the foot of a criminal on my back. It was only at this moment and the following moments after this that I felt weak. Now if you know me well enough, you know that I have always walked around with a dominant swagger as if I owned the world and I can make anything happen if I really wanted to. But I am not afraid to admit that in that moment, I was weak. It's important for me to emphasize this because I haven't felt that weak in a very, very long time. My ego was the last thing on my mind.This was actually a situation I had no control over and the only reason the other guys had say of what was happening was because they had a silver revolver cushioned comfortably in the palm of their hand.

Before the robbery even happened, I was eating a Nature Valley granola bar (no advertisement!) and as I took the last bite of it, my sister pulled me hard to the ground and told me that we were being robbed. I crawled into the back room as I was told and was still chewing on granola the whole time I had a gun pointed at my face. Then I realized -- "Holy shit, if I die, the last meal ever recorded in my life is a pathetic fucking granola bar." And as much as I would have loved to have chosen what my last meal would be, I realized that I wasn't in control of that. It didn't matter to the robber that my last meal would be a cheaply put together mid-day snack product. All that mattered to them was that they got the money that they wanted/"deserved" and got the hell out of there.

And the whole idea that everyone's life flashes before their eyes is bullshit. Sometimes peoples minds are a lot more structured than that when they're in a hostage situation. After having been kicked down to the floor and forced to wiggle with my chest and legs down (you try doing that and tell me how easy it is, stupid fucking criminals) into a small room with 9 other people in it, the last thing I was thinking about was my 5th birthday party. I was more or less thinking about how I was going to push the other people I didn't know so that I could make room for my aging father and older sister. Basically, I didn't want to have to see them get kicked down on the floor like I was.

The whole process is hard to believe, especially if you're living it in that precise moment. At the time, it didn't feel like a robbery to me. It just felt like a common emergency drill or another scene from a bad law/criminal justice show on late night television. There was no one guy that tried to be a hero because we all knew that this was reality and this is what we had to be put through.

Fucking me insane

He cursed at me the other night for not loving him enough. But after everything, how could I? The voice in my head told me he was someone I didn't know; a stranger, more or less. His hands that had once been wrapped around parts of my body had been on someone else now and there was nothing in the world that could change that.

The idea of having faith in someone was lost upon me. I was alone and wasn't sure if I should be happy about it. Freedom from this pain was all I ever wanted, and now I felt lost -- away from home.

Every feeling, passion, or excitement I once had for this relationship was sucked out of my soul like a vortex.

In some ways, I should have known. We fucked and it felt different. His thrusts were harder and careless. I wanted to scream but the weight of his body made me breathless. Our eyes never met and he didn't dare to kiss me. I felt his throbbing cock inching in and out of me, faster and faster until my powerless limbs gained enough strength to shove him off. His forehead glistened under the moonlight as he laid shell shocked on the brown carpet of my bedroom floor. "Get OUT," I said. We gave each other a look as if we could read each others minds.


I woke up to blood stained bed sheets. It wasn't like a murder scene, but more like a menstrual accident. My insides felt torn and it hurt to piss. I looked in the toilet only to see a hue of dark red and light yellow colors join together in unison. I looked at my pale white arms that held new characteristics to them -- blue and black circles forming around one another. It looked like I had been man handled by a police officer.

The cold water hit my face and I felt reborn. Water dripped from the tip of my crooked nose down to my lip and it sent a chill down my spine. I knew what had been done was done. The only thing left for me to do was to decide of how much more I wanted to deal with.

My adoration for Sylvia Plath will never die

A Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Finally, something raw.

I've been waiting years for a movie like this.

Post Secrets

I love Post Secret because there is so much I can relate too.

all aboard the baby train...

Is it just me, or are babies the new trend?

Babies = the new skinny jeans.

Almost everyone I knew from high school has one of these, but I gotta say, this is one trend I'm not so keen on following.

Since when did everyone decide they were responsible enough to get married and pop one of these things out (or in some of these cases, pop one of these things out and then get married)?
I'm still trying to pay off my credit card, and these people are procreating? where did all of this magical 'lets make a baby' money come from?! And where can I get some? Granted I'd use the money to make my car payment this month, but hey, that's what I wanna do with my money. And I only think it's fair that if people that aren't even financially ready to raise a family get state funds, then I should get state funds, too.

Here's a bright idea: since there's already TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) why doesn't the government create a TANS (Temporary Assistance for Needy Students)?
Or better yet, since this world is already over populated (we have to be careful to not have too many children or else we might have to mimic China and have only two kids and kill all the girls), why don't they start a program where they give people money who DON'T have children and instead use the money to help pay their college education. In an economy like this, can anyone really argue with me?

So back to my other question: where does all this baby making money come from?Oh, right, right, I totally forgot...they're those fuckers that are taking $20-$40 out of my stub each pay check. WOWEE I can't believe that I didn't know that that's where they're getting all their financial help from. While they're off buying their 3 month old babies True Religions/Baby Phat/Air Jordans, I'm at my job working hours at a time to support myself to try to make my car and credit card payments on time.

I think I'd rather just owning a dog.

The other day...

I was talking to Alan about how I wanted a hamster and how we should invest in one together. His exact response was "ewwwwwwwwwww".

"Ewwww"?!?!?!!

How could you say that about something so cute and cuddly? It's a hamster for goodness sake! I mean just look how cute it is, eating that carrot.

Hamsters are basically like mini teddy bears. Yes, they are considered rodents, but they're the cutest damn rodents I have ever encountered. What do you think?

rewind to the past.

I remember when I was about 10 years old, all I would eat were Koala Yummies. I loved them so much, my mom would buy them for me by the dozens. The best thing about them was that it didn't matter what flavor they came in, it all tasted so good! I'm getting all nostalgic just thinking about it now.

But the sad thing is that I can't find them anywhere. I checked 99 Ranch and they had these knock off Koala Yummies, but they're called, get this, "Koala's March".


Are you fucking serious?

They couldn't come up with a better/clever name for it? Well, now that I look at it, no title can beat Koala Yummies. I mean, it's all in the name -- Koala's that are edible and yummy! Plus, Koala's March don't even taste as good as the Yummies do. They taste like chemicals and sugar. Why would you do such a thing?

I can hear you now -- "but Lisa, there are other great Asian snacks such as Pocky or Yan Yans." I know. Trust me, I KNOW. But there is nothing like the feeling of biting the head and arms off of the tiny chocolate/strawberry/vanilla filled Koala. Pocky and Yan Yans are great, but they're so boring to eat...kind of like eating ice cream. All you can do is lick it.

With Koala Yummies, you can get creative. Now keep in mind, I was a demented little kid growing up, so I would put the Koala's in various scenarios. One would get decapitated by "Hungry Queen Lisa" or one would lose an arm (and maybe a leg) in war. It was so much fun to do!

So, if you know where they sell the original Koala Yummies, please tell me pronto. I am longing for a pack right now.

P.S. Don't even get me started on "Hello Panda"

Love,

Koala Yummy fan #1

puppy!

HI. My name is Fudge. F-U-D-G-E.

Favorite food: FOOD!? Where?

Favorite toy: any available socks. (tube socks preferred).

Favorite drink: whaat-err.

Favorite thing to do: bite people's ankles.

Loved by: everyone.

Owner(s): angela&annalisa of the brizuela household.

I am a girl...

So now it is time for me to act like one.


I want this...



and


this...




and maybe this too. . .

A Mouth Full of Insults

He stood under a tree with a quaint smile. His sausage sized fingers brushed over the ridges on the tree bark as he patiently waited for what he believed in so much. The picnic blanked was now moist with morning dew and the fog began to cover Holland's feet. His army boots once black were now smothered with mud.

OH, London...

Take me back....I WANT to go back.

there is something...

about seeing lavender flowers that makes me feel all warm inside.