one thousand sighs

Anderson Cooper gives me a boner. For serious.

I Miss You...

Manhattan! I MISS YOU!!!! ohh so much. Ever since I got back to California, I've been comparing everything to NY. If you'd like to know, California is losing in the comparison game. There is so much to do in NY and the weather is fugging awesome. Its like 98 degrees everyday and the sun is out (almost) everyday. But when I got off the plane, i felt like i was in a huge bubble of depressing weather. I haven't seen California sun in almost 2 weeks. What the fugging hell is that about? But, I guess it will get better....hopefully. So far there are no updates. I just need a job. badly. give me one if you have one.

NY Itinerary

1.) Drop off luggage at hotel
2.) Look for Conor Oberst
3.) If I find him, stalk him
4.) Sing Lover I Don't Have to Love to his face
5.) Walk away more infatuated with him than I was before

Watch Out New York

I wish i could change the date on this thing to say April 23 just so that I can type that I spontaneously decided to go to New York. I finally emptied out my piggy bank and gave it all to AAA so they can book my flight and hotel.

That's right...i'm going in exactly 2 days. I can't hold in my excitement. I've been wanting to go to New York ever since I watched my first New York movie....which i can't remember the title of...ha. how funny. okay i'm officially lame for laughing at my own joke. but whatever! i'm going to NY! they'll just have to deal with my lameness over there. I can't wait...finals took forever to finish, and now i'm done! Arrivederci California!

i love chocolate

if chocolate was a man, i would do obscene things to him.

assumptions

About a month ago, i was listening to the radio, and i heard the dj talk about assumptions. The one thing he said was that, "assumptions are bullshit"--and once he said those three words, i had, without hesitation, agreed with him.

Everyday, we fall under the assumption that today will be just like yesterday. We assume that the worst won't happen to us, and as a result, we end up with our expectations blown to pieces by the end of the day. Whether it's a bad day at work, or at home, we always fall under the assumption that each day we live will be a 'good day'. But it isn't until we have a life changing experience, that we realize that our every day assumptions are infact bullshit.

I can't help but admit that I too have fallen into that haze of everyday assumptions. Ever since i was a child until Sophomore year in high school, i assumed that everyday was going to be the same, with only minor occurances to change my perspectives on how that day was different from the days previous. Minor occurances such as bad grades on tests, rumor spreading around campus, and mini arguements with my friends.

My assumptions soon stopped after sophomore year had ended; which mistakenably was the same time when i lost someone that i looked up to and loved with all my heart. After that day, I couldn't bear to assume that life would ever be the same. That my days, in general, would ever be the same. For a while now, i've lived in fear of losing another person i love. Though i never show it in the way i act or talk, that fear is buried deep inside me, and its just waiting to burst out.

Assumptions may not play a large role in your life. But they have in mine. And i just want to warn who ever is reading this, that if you're basing your life on assumptions, then you just have to buckle up, and wait for your expectations to be blown to pieces.

Not so self-effacing

Lately, ive been feeling like i'm doing things just to make other people happy. And now i find that, i myself am not happy. The major thing I fear is that i will fall into conformity; that i wont get to be my own person, and that other peoples expectations will get in the way of my own. Therefore, from now on, i choose to be self-righteous. But not in that snobby, bitchy kind of way. I'll only be self-righteous when i need to be. Its not that i hate it when people to ask me to do things, because i will do it. But when you ask me to do something that only benefits you, and leaves me in the dark, then i feel rather hesitant to do such things. But, in the past, i've been stupid enough to not think things through. So, i guess i'm adding this to my New Years resolution.