Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Sugar Mama

Steven was thirty minutes into his sleep when he first heard the noise outside his window. When Steven heard the thump, he automatically propped up from his bed and looked around. He was always afraid of the dark. His hands ran over the bedsheets in the darkness searching for Mr. Huggies, his favorite teddy bear. Once he felt the soft cotton feeling of Mr. Huggies arm, Steven pulled the bear close to his chest and squeezed it hard, as if squeezing the bear would get rid of his fear. He suddenly heard another noise, not that of an object hitting the wall like the previous noise, but instead he heard a voice.

"Psst...open up!" said the voice.

"Wh-wh-who's there?" Steven nervously asked.

"Shut up and just open the window! You're window was always open before, and now you choose to close it?! Come on I've got something for ya!"

"But I don't know you! And I don't know where you are! I can't even see you!"

The voice sighed

"Jeeze Louise...do you see the tiny pink light outside your window?"

"yeah..."

"That's me! Open up!"

Steven sat in shock. He wondered if that was the boogeyman that his best friend Kyle told him about. But he remembered that Kyle said the boogeyman was a man and that he was big. But this thing was tiny and from the sound of the voice it sounded like a girl.
Steven wondered if she was the boogeyman's assistant and if she could still hurt him and take him away to boogeyman land. But the longer Steven looked at the size of the thing outside his window, he figured it couldn't do much damage to him.

Steven edged his way out of bed and walked towards the window. He lifted the lower portion of the window and stuck his head out.

"Took ya long enough" it said.

"Are you the boogeyman? Because if you are, then Kyle really sucks at explaining things," Steven said.

"Your friend Kyle sucks at a lot of things. That's why he'll never amount to anything. Anywho, I'm here to pick something up ..." it said shaking a surprisingly large bag in front of Steven's face.

Steven looked at the small floating thing in front of him. He noticed that it was a tiny girl in pink tights and that she was holding a wand in the shape of a weird rock. She also had tiny wings on her shoulder blades. He also noticed that she was wearing too much makeup on her face.

"If you're here for the marbles I won, then you're too late, my mom took them away"

"Marbles? Who said anything about marbles? Marbles are useless, I want your teeth," the tiny girl said holding her hand out as if Steven were just going to hand them to her.

Steven clasped his hands around his mouth.

"Ugh, no, I'm not going to pull them out of your mouth," the small girl said.

This kid might be just as stupid as that kid Kyle next door.

Steven's shoulders loosened up and his hands dropped from his mouth.

"Oh," he said letting out a sigh of relief.

Bakersfield, California was a strange land. Eight year old child named Steven Hoffman knew this but, since he was a child he had that ignorance of youth so he assumed thats how all cities were. Steven was your typical eight year old--he played in the mud with his male stereotyped toys, ate like an animal at the dinner table, and ate candy every chance he got-- despite his mothers wishes. Steven believed that she was bossy, even though he didn't exactly know what the word meant. He just heard his father call her that once when they had one of their fights. From then on Steven had the idea instilled in his mind that his mother was "bossy".

It was a cool autumn morning and Steven was laying across his living room carpet watching his Saturday morning cartoons and eating candy. Steven watched in amazement as his favorite super hero Superman flew across the television screen to save another helpless citizen. But just as Steven began to move up from his sloth-like position in excitement, Superman came encounter with kryptonite. Steven horrifically looked down at the pile of candy next to him. It was at that moment that Steven came to the realization that candy was his kryptonite.

"oh man," Steven said panic-stricken but still chewing the candy in his mouth.

"STEVEN!" his mother screamed at him while walking into the living room. This made Steven briefly look away from the television. When he realized it was just his mother, he returned his gaze to the television.

"Where on earth did you get all of these sugar sticks!"

"Dad," Steven responded carelessly with his eyes locked on to the television screen

His mother's face filled with rage. She couldn't believe that his own father contradicted her rules. She marched to the telephone in the kitchen. She accidentally knocked over the mail on the coffee table, but she was too enraged to notice or even care.

"Mr. Hoffman's office, this is Alicia, how may I assist you today?"

"I'd like to speak to Johnathan...NOW"

"Please Mrs. Hoffman, you don't have to yell..." Johnathan's secretary responded

"Don't give me etiquette tips you whore. If anything I should be the one giving you etiquette tips...stealing people's husbands and taking them away from their children."

"I'm transferring you to Johnathan now," his secretary said nervously.

"Good, at least I know you can do one productive thing..."

There was a click and soft classical music came on.

That bastard has the nerve to disobey the rules I set in my home. He has no right, NO RIGHT to do that. What is it with him? Does he want Steven to grow up to be a typical American obese man just like his father? Good God, I can't even imagine it.